Greener Cemeteries?

cemeteryMore ‘stimulating’ spending in the American Recovery and Reinvestment Bill of 2009, The National Cemetery Administration will be receiving $50,000,000 for ‘monument and memorial repairs, including energy projects’.  Energy projects?  How does one make a ‘greener’ cemetery with all those pesky corpses releasing methane gas as they decompose?

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I’m Changing My Name to Science

mrwizard-1

Under Title II of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, subheading Department of Justice, I found this amazing expenditure of money that is bound to stimulate; $400,000,000 for ‘Science’.  What the hell does that mean, ‘science’ and what kind of ‘science’ is the Department of Justice pursuing?  I have half a mind to haul my cookies down to Washington, walk onto the floor of the Senate,  introduce myself as ‘Science’ and demand they hand over a check for $400,000,000.  On a scale of ingenious to insane, I give this an inane.

$650,000,000 Well Spent

tv converter box coupon

Under Title II of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 subheading Department of Commerce, I found something I deem patently absurd and blatantly ridiculous; $650,000,000 being allocated for the ‘Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Program’.  I’m going to assume that you’re all aware of the shift in television broadcasting from an analog signal to a digital one.  This conversion will only effect those still using an antenna to obtain their television signal.  For reasons of economic stimulus and recovery, $650,000,000 will be spent to ensure that these antenna users will have easier access to the digital signal via $40 coupons to obtain a digital converter box.  Wow, these converter boxes must be expensive right?  Wrong, they cost on average $49.99.  There is no eligibility requirement to receive this coupon and the only limitation I could find was 2 coupons per-household.  We’re spending hundreds of millions of dollars so that people can watch tv?  At least the millions of unemployed won’t be bored.  The best part though is of the $650,000,000 being allocated; ‘$90,000,000 may be for education and outreach, including grants to organizations for programs to educate vulnerable populations, including senior citizens, minority communities, people with disabilities, low-income individuals, and people living in rural areas, about the transition and to provide one-on-one assistance to vulnerable populations, including help with converter box installation.’  Unbelievable.  I wonder how much of that $90,000,000 I could get to teach my grandparents and their fellow ‘vulnerables’ in Florida how to hookup their cable boxes?  On a scale of awful to amazing, I’m gonna have to give this one an abismal.

Oh So Stimulating…

I’ve decided to make use of my abundant free time by skimming through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 in order to make my own assessment of just how stimulating it will be to our economy.  I’m no economic expert but am I possessed with an overabundance of common sense.  Instead of listening to the talking heads drone on and on about this pork and that, I’ve decided to use my enormous brainpower and examine the 1,000 plus page document.  I’ll be highlighting that which I deem unnecessary, absurd, useless and ridiculous in subsequent posting so stay tuned….